Committing to Sobriety

I think I’m ready to commit to sobriety.

I’m (24f) in law school and have always had a bad relationship with alcohol. My parents definitely walk the alcoholism line and living at home with them/ growing up with people who have that relationship with alcohol has not served me well.

In college I would blackout 3x a week. I got better at drinking less after graduation but I would still have binge drinking nights too frequently. I was unemployed for a while living with my parents and the drinking picked up. I did a few sober Septembers which made me realize how much I enjoy feeling sober.

It’s been up and down with drinking too much. I did most of dry January and have had a mostly good experience with drinking since then. Friday night I went out with friends and got way too drunk. Thankfully the most embarrassing thing I did was call my mom, but I’m still ashamed. (I’m also on antidepressants which amplify the effects of alcohol). However I’ve been known to trauma dump and cry when I drink too much and it’s embarrassing and exhausting.

I did well at the Super Bowl last night not drinking past a light buzz. But I woke up this morning feeling so disappointed in myself, feeling tired and bloated.

I’m sick of being stuck in the loop of oh I’ll be sober, breaking sobriety, drinking too much, then ending back up at square one. I don’t like the hangxiety, I don’t like wasting calories on alcohol, I don’t even like going out. I’m sick of the shame and disappointment and making my mom worried. I’m sick of saying oh I won’t drink tonight then getting blasted.

I told my mom this morning I need to be sober for a while and she was very supportive. Both my parents are cutting back on alcohol too and my partner doesn’t drink at all. I’m trying not to beat myself up and focus on feeling good and moving forward.

I’ve been a lurker here but wanted to share my story and feelings as a way of holding myself accountable.

IWNDWYT.