I’m cookeddddzzzzz

Hi guys! I wanted to come on here and ask for some advice/feedback on my scenario.

I am currently a 2nd year in college, with INSANE social anxiety. I find myself thinking and fantasizing about social situations for more than 90% of my day. It’s eating me alive. I can hardly go out in public because I’m so nervous to talk to people. I have a pretty close knit friend group and they are all really lovely and some of us live together, but when I see them outside of my house I literally get anxious and nervous to talk to them. It’s about 40x worse for any mutual friends that we have. It’s sad because everyone in the group has their own friends that they’ll bring to hangout, but I don’t have anyone like that and it’s embarrassing. I have this idea in my head that I’m such a burden to talk to, and that people have better things to do I think. I believe all my insecurities root back to validation, and just wanting everyone to like me. I’m pretty sure I struggle with ego issues, and just thinking I’m a much more important person than I actually am. It causes me to avoid hangouts because I’m scared that people will dislike me if I mess up or say something “wrong”. I just make the excuse that I love to be alone and that I’m just shy, but the truth is I literally love being around people. My own insecurities are just holding me back. I think I’m hurting people with these actions as well, as I’m constantly changing/avoiding plans because I get so anxious beforehand, and they don’t totally understand it. I’ve done therapy for about a year and nothing really changed… I’m considering going on meds.

I’m sorry this was more of a rant, I’ve never really made a post, I feel like I can’t put the way I’ve been feeling these past few years into words but I’ve just been having the hardest time ever.