Miscarriage denial

This is my (29F) third pregnancy. My first ended in miscarriage at 11 weeks and my second was successful back in 2018. I'm at 5 weeks and can only confirm with my doctor tomorrow whether I'm truly miscarrying or not.

Yesterday I had intense cramps and heavy bleeding. Passed a massive blood clot this morning and now the bleeding is subsiding. My breasts don't hurt as much as they have over the past two weeks. However, I'm still holding on to the thinnest sliver of hope that my baby somehow survived this. I know it's unlikely, but the reality is too devastating.

I haven't told anyone besides my partner and I don't plan to. This trauma feels too intimate to share. Thank you for reading.