Dangers of Getting Cowgirled

Hey folks,

I'm here to tell you that, if you're polyamorous and happy in it, *do not* allow someone to cowgirl/boy you, for a different reason than you might think. For those of you who don't know, a cowgirl/boy is a monogamous person that "lassos" you away from your polycule/ other partners to be monogamous with them.

I unfortunately let this happen to me. I had three parallel partners, but one of them was hounding me (yes, hounding me) for monogamy. Promised children, marriage, the whole shebang. She said beautiful phrases such as "let me show you how good monogamy can be" and the like. I said that if my other partners and I organically ended our connection then we could try. Lo and behold, that ended up happening and she got her wish.

As soon as she was satisfied that I was "hers" and we were in a committed mono relationship she immediately lost all interest. She acted like I was a burden, and made me question my self-worth, night-and-day difference from before. Wouldn't talk to me about why, kept dismissing me (ie. "I'm not having this conversation", "You keep making problems", etc). Yelled at me repeatedly and told me I "made her" multiple times. Ick.

Turns out she was incredibly narcissistic and wasted 3 months of my time. Admitted that she just didn't want to share and just wanted to "possess"
me. Morale of the story? Sometimes that mono that's trying to cowgirl/boy you might not just be disrespecting your attachment style, they might also be attempting to abuse you.

Be careful, all :) Learn from my mistake

Edit: A few clarifications:

1) I'm fully aware NOW that my choice to continue dating her was a mistake, hence why I ended the original post with "learn from my mistake." I got swept up in the moment and the love-bombing/future-faking and I lost sight of myself and what I wanted. She was openly narcissistic and I'm no longer in contact with her. C'est fini.

2) Those of you saying "don't date mono" - you're right, and I do identify as polyamorous. That being said, life is sometimes complicated and love can be a moving target for some people, as it was for me in this situation. This experience was confirmation for me that monogamy is indeed NOT for me, and after a good long break from dating (plus some therapy) I intend to date poly from now on :)

3) My other partners and I did indeed end organically: one cut all of her partners off to get over an ex-girlfriend of hers (and we are still very good friends, btw), and the other one I broke it off with because our lives didn't line up well enough for us to give each other the time and energy required by a quality relationship.