I feel like i‘m loosing it

I have very rarely comitted self harm, when i did it was only cat scratches that didn’t leave any scars. I hate the pain and burning from it and i dont do any self harm at all anymore. But the pictures of scars that people have (specifically on their forearms) tempt me. I don’t know why i feel like this but scars to me are/can be cool body mods like tattoos and piercings (not to glorify or promote it in any way). I want my arm to look cut up and scarred but i don’t want to actually commit self harm and go through the pain, the blood and (the worst part from my experience) trying to go deep enough to leave scars. I have been cussed out and insulted by many people for feeling this way but the urge and want just won’t stop, I don’t know what to do.