my little sister got engaged and i am so happy for her, but grieving what could’ve been.

i’m turning 26 soon and came out a year and a half ago, ending a 5 year relationship and moving to another suburb. i then met my wonderful girlfriend and we have been dating for a year.

my sister is 22 and just got engaged to her high school boyfriend. i love him, he’s been in the family for 6 years now and they are perfect together. they visited the other day to tell me they’re engaged.

i am so happy, but for some reason the next day i couldn’t stop crying in the shower. everyone thought my ex and i were going to get married. we had a house and dog together. they were my best friend, even though the romance and sex was greatly lacking.

since i was 13, i’ve been obsessed with weddings and the idea of me getting married. i love my gf and we are going down that path, but she is 3 years younger than me and with me being a baby gay, there’s still so much to unpack. we are going through things that teens go through in their relationships because i never had the chance to work out insecurities or anything like that.

i know it’s not a race, i’m still very young, and marriage should be the product of a healthy relationship, but that doesn’t mean i’m not also grieving what my life could have been. i am set back so much sometimes just due to the fact that i’m a late bloomer. it sucks.