I feel a disconnect between self and reality

How I look, how I feel like I look and how I want to look are all different. I look pretty fem and androgynous most days. I feel like I look masculine if I don't look in the mirror all day. However I want to look like a cute feminine boy. I'm on testosterone and feel better on it mentally but physically how I look or want to look is confusing to navigate. I don't think I can achieve how I want to look just because genetics aren't in my favor when it comes to jawline and hairline and such. So I know I need to just find my own style but it's hard to shake the image in my head of how I feel like I look compared to reality without looking in a mirror often or being very intentional and mindful every day of what I'm wearing and how I present. Which can be time consuming. Also in desperate need of friends who are in the community. I live on a boat and am traveling so I'm only able to have online connection at the moment but not sure where to look for friends. I've tried asking in different groups on Facebook but no luck.