Gifting Books: A Caution
Books are great. We love them. We want to share them with friends and family. But we don't love all books. And books can be a very tricky gift.
I love books and have read thousands, and yet of books received as gifts, I enjoyed far fewer than half. It as though people think "She likes books. This is a book. She will like it."
Over on r/advice a month or so ago I saw a post by a guy who gave his girlfriend a book for a birthday gift. Though she tried to put a good face on it, he could tell she was disappointed and his feelings were hurt.
Let's breakdown what happens when you give some one a book, and the title and author don't interest them. They unwrap the book, and think " I don't want to read this. But now I have to." You just created an obligation for your recipient to do something they don't want to do. Next they anticipate that you will ask them someday whether they read the book, and what they thought of it. And if they do not like it, they will be faced with the choice of either lying to you, or telling you they did not and thus hurting your feelings. All this will flash through their mind in a split second. Ugh.
This not to say one should never give books as a gift: In the following situations absolutely do.
- The recipient is awaiting the next book, perhaps in series by a favorite author.
- The recipient asks for a specific book.
- The recipient is a young child and you are giving them one that was favorite of yours at that age.
- The recipient asks you to get a book, and indicates they will take potluck: "Surprise me!" "Anything that looks interesting." "Something you recommend." or possibly ask for something in a particular genre: Fantasy, world War II history, whatever.
- You know the person's taste really well. Know what they read/have already read. Know the kinds of things they do and do not like.
On the last issue, the book suggestion sub-reddits have a considerable number of requests from people asking for recommendations for books for someone else. Unless this is a number 4, situation, I immediately think "Noooo. If you don't know what they have read and don't yourself know what they would like, don't get them a book." Even if you know they like a particular genre, chances are either you will choose something they have already read or something they know about and have chosen not to. Popular, hyped, or well-regarded books are not necessarily good bets. For every person that loved "Trending Title of the Moment" a bunch of people also did not love it at all. Taste is a funny thing, but all important in books.
Don't give books to people that you think they "should" read. That is not a gift, that is passive -aggressive fixing.
If you love a book and think your friend or family member would too? Recommend it. Lend it to them. If they ask for it as a gift, then that's #2 and you are golden.