I (22F) don't know how to believe that my (24M) boyfriend has changed.

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years on friday. Our relationship was far from healthy for an extended period of time. I can't even begin to describe the amount of emotional abuse he has put me through in the past couple of years. I never got gifts. I never was taken on dates. He called me a bitch several times for no reason at all. He reminded me that my father was a cheater and i should love him more if i was able to still love my dad. He gaslit me a LOT. He called my single friends sluts for going out with boys. He never got me anything for valentine's, our anniversary or even my birthday. You get the point.

Four months ago, he went through my instagram (on my laptop) behind my back, (i told the story on another subreddit) so we broke up. And for the first time in almost four years, i left him alone and i moved on with my life. I kept my shit together, i went out with my friends, i went to the gym, i worked hard and studied regularly.

Fast forward to 3 months of us being broken up, he reached out to me several times before inviting me for a coffee to talk about everything. I went, and he was a mess. I've never seen this man sob that hard in my life, mind you he lost an uncle and his grandmother when i was with him. He apologized for everything. He told me that he misses me and he will do anything to win me back. Now i'm not gonna lie, i kinda liked seeing how hurt he was. I liked seeing him that hurt and vulnerable because he never showed me he cared before. I used to cry on my knees for him to act right while he kept a poker face. I wanted him to hurt as much as he did hurt me. I didn't shed a tear at the coffee place. However, when he offered to walk me home just to say goodbye for the last time, i broke down crying too. It was freezing cold outside my building and i guess i realised it might be the last time i see him. We were crying so hard while holding each other tightly. He begged me to forgive him and i told him we will meet again. I talked to my friends about everything and one of them said that he knows how much time and love i've spent on this man, so if i didn't give him this one chance, i'll always regret it. I thought about what he said and i did give my boyfriend a chance.

Now it has been a month since we're back together. He is literally a new person. He made me protein cookies cuz he knows i workout. He takes me out regularly. He buys me food. He gives me money if i didn't make enough that week. He cleans the house for me. He gets along with my friends and asks to hang out with them. He hasn't done the smallest thing to piss me off or make me sad. He tries his best to make me happy and prove that he' is the one. And while i appreciate his efforts and i know he has changed GREATLY, i can't help but remember the shitty things he told me every time i see him. I can't forget the person he was, or maybe still is somewhere inside. I can't trust that if i get comfortable and vulnerable enough around him he won't break me again. I don't feel the same towards him to be honest. I loved him unconditionally. Now my guards are always up. While i still love him so much, i don't love him the same. I don't know what to do or what to think.

Has any of you been through the same experience? Can someone really change that much? Will my love for him feel the same as before again? Any advice will be appreciated. Thank you.