My mom isn’t as accepting as I thought
Tw for mentions of suicide and religious acceptance. So I (15ftm nb) discovered my mom is already not accepting of my sexuality, I’m still a closeted trans but she knows I’m pansexual. I’ll just say that she’s known since I was 11, she respected it. However, my parents are muslims from Bangladesh, she said that it might turn to no contact in the future because when she meets Allah, they’ll ask why she didn’t teach me what our religion does and doesn’t accept. I don’t believe in god due to philosophical reasons and was raised in Scandinavia. She was very gentle and open when talking, saying I was still her child which is why she’s conflicted, I could tell that she was genuine.
My dad would probably immediately disown me if I even came out as pansexual so imagine coming out as trans. They’re both amazing and loving parents, they’ve taken care of me and my siblings with love, they’re kind and respectful people, I say this with much love. Though I can’t live in the closet forever, so in case I ever decide to come out, I’ve already prepared a letter for when I’m an independent adult.
If I ever come out to my both parents as trans, it will be when I’m fully independent and have a supportive system. I might not hold that conversation in person though, I’ll write probably a letter, it might go like this:
Hi mom and dad,
It’s me, [insert name], I want you both to know that I love you, so please read carefully for what I have to say. I’m pansexual, I like all genders and accept it as it’s been apart of me since I was a child. It brought much conflict, caused some suicidal thoughts back then, as you know, I struggled with mental health and this was one of the reasons that I never told you.
Allah doesn’t accept it, I know, so it’s gonna get worse, he’ll probably send me to hell for this - but I’m also transgender, I wish to live as a boy, I’ve wanted this for a long time now. You might think that ‘but didn’t you play with barbies and love girly things?’ and yes, I did, but toys, clothes and colors hold no gender, I can still like girly things as a boy. You might think this is because I live in Sweden, been influenced by atheists but thing is, I’ve always questioned Allah and his existence, even as a child.
Why should a god decide who I am? Is morality just a social construct? Why am I forced into these boxes? How do I know which religion is true? You might think it’s obvious because you grew up in Bangladesh, but for me, I’d just hate myself if I grew up in a culture where I never got to be who I wanted to be. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for hiding this but it was so I could just feel your love and warmth. You’ve never failed me, you’ve been the greatest parents I could ask for, and I understand if you decide to cut me off. I respect your religion, I hope Allah will not punish you for my choices and who I am. If you want to contact me, then simply call or send a message so we can talk.
- Love, your child