I’m lost

I’m way too young too be feeling this way, I’m a year away from high school now but last year in 7th grade I started doing weed, it was nice the first time cause I took my friends gummies but the weed a bought were shitty d8 gummies and we’re a horrible high, later that year I quit but this year I started hitting my friends carts and almost greened in class, it feels bad now but it was even worse when I quit last year and was driving me insane, it’s so dehumanizing to look in the mirror and not recognize the person I see. I’ve recently started falling asleep to like meditation music or sounds and it helps me sleep but it doesn’t help with the depersonalization. I was able to suppress it for a while by playing video games 24/7 but I got grounded recently and it sucks, social interactions are awkward and I usually say the wrong thing, hanging out with friends is different now, I feel less emotion since it started and feeling normal feels like a perk I can’t afford so fun things before just feel mid now, sometimes I’ll go from feeling nothing to just crying, I’m not even angry anymore I just feel nothing I feel like I’m watching a movie of my life, and even now spilling out my thoughts on this Reddit page it doesn’t feel real, my minds everywhere but not where I want it to be. I’m lost and I feel off constantly. I used too be the kid everyone was friends with, I used to be so outgoing, so happy, funny, I envy my younger self like a celebrity. I did therapy for a while in 5th grade but hated it. I hate talking to people I don’t know. I’m sorry that this text is so disorganized and messy but I’m really just trying to let my feelings out, What I’m thinking, what I’m feeling, how everywhere my mind is. Help