I could use some encouragement - poor mental health is making it hard to be the mom I want to be

I don’t know if this is the right place to post. Sorry if it’s not.

Back story; I have been recently diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and a late diagnosis for PPD (edit to add PPD is postpartum depression). My twins just turned 2. I am working with a psychiatrist and have been bouncing around with different meds trying to find the best fit. I’m between meds and really struggling.

When I was on some meds that were seeming to help (but ended up having side effects that caused us to need to change) I had more energy and was starting to invest more energy in my kids. Now I’m a struggling again and waiting for the latest ones to kick in.

I am having trouble with more than the basic needs and chores. I am putting them in-front of the tv WAY more than I ever wanted and I feel horrible about it. They are watching tv right now! But I’m dragging. Badly. When they ask me to play, I do, but I struggle and feel horrible about it. I try to show a calm and patient exterior, but I’m more irritable and get maxed easily. I just feel like a failure. When they aren’t actively needing something I zone out on my phone or do chores.

I know logically that once I get my stuff figured out that I will be able to work on being a better mom. They know they are loved and I give them all I have. But they deserve more.

I’m struggling feeling like it’s ok to accept these new diagnoses as I am usually the one helping others through stuff and don’t feel justified claiming issues if my own. But I also know I’m hurting and disappointed in myself as a parent. I’m hoping by accepting it that I will be better able to change it.

I’m just feeling down and guilty and could use some encouragement… thanks!